New Years Eve 2014 I sat with my dear friend and fellow pilgrim for another round of sense-making and existential/spiritual locating of self and purpose…
Having recently sent her an email with my ‘story of fat’, which I had never really charted before, I was in a tender and sad place with myself following years and years of dieting and gaining weight. I was totally at a loss but what became clear to us was that we couldn’t just keep trying to cut bits of ourselves off…stop…give up…more discipline…try harder…
All that was happening was that we were suppressing ourselves and passions and desires to be more, feel better, live more authentically in the world as ourselves and FEAR was the gatekeeper (and shame for me).
We decided that instead of giving up or cutting out, we should ADD. Add the people or activities that made us feel more whole. More happy. More authentic and true. I vowed that I would save up to do something dedicated to my own body/self love that I could then spread and share with others.
I thought that I was going to do some amazing I-rest training with my dear friend and teacher at http://www.restful.being.com, but as it got closer it began to feel wrong and a chance conversation with another friend about hiring a hall to just DANCE would not leave my head. I stumbled across the School of Ecstatic Movement http://www.ecstatictrancedance.co.uk/teacher_training.html (which sounded completely out-there to me at the time) and just two email exchanges with the director Rebecca Hanscombe, who was so reassuring and containing, convinced me that this was the way forward. To finally face my body. To get into it rather than try and constantly ignore, hate, and escape it.
It was as if my ‘spirit’ knew that this was the way and I began to feel like a passenger in a dynamic and resolute course of actions that followed. Before I knew it and before even doing the course, I had registered as self-employed, booked a room, developed a Facebook page, booked someone to develop a Web page, bought a domain name and scheduled classes to start the DAY AFTER the training finished.
This blog is dedicated to my journey and to all the people I aim to meet and share it with along the way.
If Big Beats Dance does what I wish for it to, then other people big or otherwise will have the opportunity like me, to open to door to self-acceptance, true connectedness and freedom from shame and fear.
Dance with me?
Until then – I will dance for all of us because I believe that dancing sets us free ☆